Thursday 21st July - She calls me closer...

So since the last post.. a lot has happened...

Originally upon returning to Iquitos, I had plans to go to Brazil. On Tuesday morning, I knew exactly how I would travel, and where I would go, and Wednesday morning, I was getting ready to leave.

How naive I was... Before leaving Iquitos, I wanted to meet a person whose contact details I had been given - a Howard Lawler, a man who organises spiritual Ayhuasca journeys, as well as journeys through spiritual centres.

I was very clear that I didn't want to take part in an Ayhuasca ceremony, having met many friends along my path that had walked this path, and I declined all opportunities to participate. I had also been real sure, looking at Howards website (http://www.biopark.org/peru.html) that there wasn't any journey that I wanted to participate in, that was being organised. Besides it was too expensive, and way beyond any budget I had left.

So Tuesday afternoon, I was going to meet Howard for lunch, chat about something, but I didn't know what, and then get ready for a boat to Brasil...

Yeah right!! Like I really have a clue about this journey anymore....

After 4 and a half hours of 'talking', I was sure in the very essence of my being that I was going to spend 20 days travelling this sacred path that was part of the journeys organised from the 25th of July, till the 14th of August. This included spending ten days in the jungle working with the Ayahuasca, and ten days on a spiritual pilgrimage, culminating at something akin to "Heavens Gate".

How I would be able to afford the $3500 dollars, and how I would be able to manifest so much money, in cash, here in Peru, by Friday morning were questions that my body didn't seem to be worried about... It just knew with a certainty that this was a journey I had to take, and I was going.

I spent a day sending out emails, asking people for help, mainly friends who had said if you need money, email us, and we'll help you out... and it seemed that there was no-one there who was able to help. Eventually, everything unfolded as it needed to, and now, sitting in the Internet cafe, I'm waiting for the transaction codes for two Western Union transfers that should yield the full total amount that I need, to pay for the trip.. the shortfall made up with cash I have to hand, and access to, through the support of people who've been able to make small contributions.

Then, in half an hour, I'll meet Howard, go to Western Union, get the money, give it to him, and then it disappears into his bank account, and I'm all signed up!

Then on Monday I meet the group of people that I will share a most powerful and intense cleansing and healing spiritual process. I know that on the other side of this my physical problems with my swollen leg will be healed, and I know that my health will be at an all time high!

It's real funny, because, just as we were finishing our chat, with Howard, he mentioned he'd worked with Channel 4, and that's when I learnt that Howard was a man who I had seen on tv, in the UK, the day that I couldn't decide if I should go to Peru or Mexico. I asked the universe for a sign of where to go, and switched the tele on. Finding Extreme Celebrity Detox (http://www.ginger.tv/content/default.asp?page=s2_3_22) on E4, I saw Howard Lawler taking 4 celebs into the jungle, to take ayahuasca in Peru. Seeing that I knew that I should definitely go to Peru... I just never realised that the universe was showing me exactly where I would go, who I would go with, and what I would do there as well...

Howard's contact details were given to me by Susan Bookman, who I met during my visit to Inti Ayllu, a spiritual community in the sacred valley. And it turned out that Howard knew Don Americo Yabar really well too, and his local contact to co-ordinate activities in Cusco was Don Americo's daughter Arilu... I just knew that I had just completed another circle, closed another loop.

The fact that when Howard had spoken to me, he had described all the steps that I had known I was going to go through, before I would be 'whole', and that this journey addressed all those parts that I was consciously working with.. it was too perfect.

Now, once the money is sorted, I'll be going into some quiet space, and start preparing myself mentally, and emotionally for what will be a very pure and complete experience. Even reading http://www.biopark.org/peru/shamanrisks.html allays potential fears, and re-inforces to me the real integrity, and completeness that I would have never found if I had gone looking, but that I am ready, I am encountering.

This moment I am really keenly reminded of that old phrase 'when the student is ready, the master appears'.

I can't imagine it being any truer than now...

So July 25th, I go into the jungle, and then on August the 14th, I finish a journey, with more news...

July 10th - 17th

It seems I spend too much of my time online writing my blog, and so I've decided I'm going to try to be a little more efficient for now!

That said, my journey down the Mazan was wonderful... As you can tell I've returned from the river, and as far as I can tell, I'm still travelling solo!

It seems that my journey down the river, whilst interesting, and educational, served to show me that I still wasn't ready, and that I need to spend more time removing from my perception all limitations, that lead to irritation. This was exemplified in the very real example of the mosquitos that regularly had supper using my skin as their table, and my blood as their food.

Fortuantely, I had the tent from my friend Chesman, to sleep in, and so wasn't bothered so much at night. Even whilst on the river, the insects weren't a problem. It was only when we arrived at a camp site, that the insect fests happened. And I'm pretty sure it had something to do with the way that the locals would just leave their trash everywhere that they didn't need. If before coming to Peru, I had thought the Amazon was a place that was pure, clean, and unpolluted, I was wrong.

The locals have no hesitation throwing anything and everything into the river. From plastic bags, and plastic bottles, to the plastic wrappers from crisp packets and biscuit packets, to the disposable forks and spoons. It seems people seem to think that the river is an ok place to dump things, and so I'm sure that the levels of pollution will no doubt all contribute to some huge social environmental crisis one day.

That said, in the actual forest, once we got into it, was beautiful, and the plants managed to keep a balance, that meant flies, and insects weren't a problem.

However, there was also a real absence of any animals at all, in the little bit of the forest I visited. And the only birds we spotted were hunting targets for the locals, who had convinced me to pay for the hire of a gun and ammunition.

In spite of the environmental stuff - the people we met throughout the journey were testimony to how the warmth and welcoming home can be found anywhere even in the middle of the jungle!

After using the motor (peke peke) to go upstream, and after a number of 'incidents' with our motor, on our return journey (4 days into the trip), we ended up eventually losing total use of our motor, and had no choice, but to 'float' back downstream. Apparently, floating along the river was a very normal way to travel, as we had seen people doing it downstream, as we went up. Whilst the pace was slow, and gentle, we managed to travel day and night, and had some wonderful night skies, full of stars, and the growing moon.

Eventually, after returning to Mazan, I took a quick trip to Iquitos, to get some money, to pay for the remaining balance of the motor rental, boat rental, and to pay the three locals who had accompanied me throughout the trip. Javier, Gayle and Mauro.

However, I didn't have money for the trip to Iquitos, and trusting Javier to sell the remaining gasoline we had, he ended up with enough money for the two of us to head back to Iquitos, in order for me to get more cash, from the ATM.

Upon arriving into Iquitos, we got in a motortaxi to the Plaza de Armas, and I discovered I didn't have my wallet in my pocket. Sure that I'd brought it with me, Javier, suggested we rush back to the boat, as he thought I might have dropped it on the boat we had taken. Back at the port, Javier rushed ahead of me, and tired from all the travelling, I decided to wait for him up top of the stairs. He came running back, grinning, showing me that he had successfully found my cash cards.

Telling me he had paid the captain 10 soles for thanking him, I naively believed him, and we went back to the plaza. I guess with no cash being in the wallet it wasn't of much use to most people. But it got me thinking that Javier probably knew the pickpockets there, and managed to find the one who had picked my pocket.

Anyhow, as things were to unfold... that evening, I didn't manage to make it back to Mazan, where I had paid for the night in a hotel, and having missed the boat, I came across Javier, at the port, waiting for me. He said he'd been waiting an hour, and when I asked him why he hadn't taken the last boat home, he said he'd waited for me.

Then the stories started to come out... from being told that he was 'solo' and had no family or brothers and sisters that he had any contact with, he started telling me that a woman who was like a mother to him was in the hospital, and the 50 soles I had paid him earlier that day to settle the bills he had paid in the hospital, and that he needed more money.

Clearly, he had just bought new shoes, and some CD's, and I'm guessing that the 'mom' was fictional, but not wanting to be cruel, I said sure no problem... later...

He kept wanting me to give him 300 soles so that he could pay the other two amigos who had helped out during the travel. But for some reason I didn't trust him, and said it's ok, I'll pay them myself. And I'd also bought presents for each one, that I wanted to give to them personally, and I wanted to thank them for all their hard work. Since throughout the whole journey Javier had been sleeping, or chilling with me, and Mauro, and Gayle had been doing all the work, packing and unpacking the boat each night, driving the motor, cooking the food, making the tents, and doing anything else that needed doing.

We ended up going to the house of an uncle of a friend of Javiers in Iquitos, to spend the night, after he initially had told me that we could spend the night at his house. I ended up spending 10 soles, what I would pay for a hostal, as a token of thanks to the uncle, as well as spending another 5 soles on thanking the friend, giving him 2 soles for his travel, paying another 10 soles for drinks for Javier, who had told me he didn't drink the first night I met him - and there he was drinking...

Despite spending triple what I normally spend in an evening, for room and board, in a house that I wouldn't ever have paid more than 5 soles, if I were to pay, I ended up sleeping in the room, whilst Javier took the hammock in the living room.

Then, half way through the night, I hear Javier in my room, asking me for more money. Telling me his uncle had just come, and his mom was ill, and needed more money for the hospital. He kept pleading, asking me to help his mother, how I should help him to help his mother, how he didn't like to have her suffering... After about 10 minutes or so, I decided there was no way I had a choice, and seeing it as charity, I ended up giving him 40 soles, even though he only asked for 30, and sure that he was lying.

The following morning, I found that my wallet was 200 soles lighter... the 200 soles that I was to pay the other two guys had been taken out of my wallet.. I only had one suspect in my mind. Upon telling my host, the uncle, he told me how he didn't feel that my friend was being sincere last night, and suspected that he wasn't being honest with me. Javier had apparently left at about 12 or 1 am, and was no where to be found.

On the up side, I had the nicest cooked fish in ages that morning - and even though it was the most expensive breakfast I've ever had, I was glad that it had happened. For it confirmed my suspicions, and I somehow had guessed that I was going to have trouble, and had slipped 200 soles out of my wallet, into the inside pocket of my bum bag, where I kept my passport.

It's clear there was no-one else who knew exactly where I kept what money, and only Javier had ever seen me use my wallet, including my zipped pocket in the wallet where I kept my larger notes.

Lesson learnt, when I confronted Javier back in Mazan, he claimed that he wasn't there during the night, and that it must have been someone else.

Tired of his lies, I pretended I had no more money to give, and invited Gayle to return to Iquitos with me to get some cash. Once Javier was out of the picture, and Gayle had come to meet me in my hotel room, to go to Iquitos, I confided in him, and asked him how long he had known Javier. He told me he hadn't known him long, and confirmed my suspicions, when he told me that we never paid any money for the fish that we had eaten during our journey. Even though Javier had taken 20 soles to buy fish, we had traded a flour snack for the fish, and I had seen it all.

I ended up giving Gayle 100 soles, with some extra to bring Mauro's 70 soles payment upto 90, and Gayle kindly offered to assist me to the port, regardless.

The sincerity of Gayle and Mauro, and their strong work ethic made me want to thank them more, but having lost the money I'd withdrawn from the bank, I had no flexibility in my generosity beyond what I had, and figured Javier had taken enough money to pay for everything that I wasn't going to buy his complaining whining of 'how am I going to pay for everything?'.

Leaving Mazan, I arrived in Iquitos, checked into a cheap hostal, and slept well, after visiting the uncle, who I had gotten quite fond of!

Sat 9th July - Prepping the Journey

Get woken up early to speak with a man who owns a motor. Pay him 70 soles, since he needs to pay the mechanic 50 soles to get his motor back, and give him 20 soles as a deposit.

I also get introduced to an 'amigo' who will be joining us for the journey. Gayle.

After paying another 20 soles, we get a boat secured. We pay for gasoline (320 odd soles), buy supplies (70 odd soles), and by then it's already 2 or 3 in the afternoon, and Javier tells me we'll leave tomorrow, early in the morning. Happy to wait, I suggest we at least go and try out the boat and the motor, since I wanted to see what it looked like, and how big it was - and also to start getting prepared mentally. Riding to the place where the boat is docked, we get the motor onto the boat, and take it out for a spin.

The boat was tiny - with three seats, front middle and back, and as we're making our way back in, thinking of needing space for at least one more person, (my princess) I ask if we can't get a bigger boat? And as I say that the perfect sized boat floats in, and I question, can we get something like that?

Well we end up getting the very same boat that I'd spotted, and with news that we can have it from 10am the next morning, we call it a day.

Later that evening, I walk into town, and end up meeting a 'mechanic' called Chesman and his friend, who has seen me getting ready for the trip, and wants to be my 'guide' for the trip. After explaining the nature of my journey, I discover that the mechanic had seen me, and had wanted to 'connect' with me, talk with me, without quite understanding why. The more I talk, the more he understands the 'heart connection', and how there was just something about me that drew him to me.

Before leaving, he insists that I take a 'gringo' tent that he has, and Chesman promptly goes to his home, gets the tent, and then even shows me how easily it assembles, and disassembles! (doesn't take more than 5 minutes to put it up, and it only has two flexible poles that come apart), and slide into the fabric, to act as a support for the structure.

Impressed, I make my way back to the hotel clearer than ever that this is a journey that is completely guided, and everything is happening exactly as it needs to unfold!

7th,8th,9th July

Evening of the 7th of July, it turns out that I spent too long on the Internet, updating my blog to be able to get out of Iquitos in the evening, and reach Mazan.

Instead I ended up finding a hotel for the night - 10 Soles, good deal.

On the morning of the 8th of July, I decided to make sure I get to Mazan - so by 2pm, I'm at the port Productores, and find a 'Lancha' - a slow boat that's going down to Mazan. 2 and a half hours later, I arrive in Mazan, and getting into a motortaxi, get taken to the 'centre'. Finding the cheaper hostel a little too cheap for my taste (what with no en suite, a single bed, and a room that had thin wooden walls that didn't reach the ceiling, but touched the floor), I decided that 10 soles was too much for so little, and moving onto the Hostal Municipal, discovered that for 2 soles extra I would be able to get an en suite (meaning shower and toilet - nothing fancy though... just a room with a loo and a sink, and a shower head with a metal rod sticking out of the wall to turn the shower on and off with..) and haggled my way into a 'Matrimonial' suite which meant a double bed too, for the same price!

That evening I fished around a little for some clues as to what to do next, and ended up finding a bakery selling wholemeal bread, after dinner in the market. Attracted by the wholemeal bread, I started to buy some, and as things go out here, I got talking with the lady of the store, telling her about my 'vision' and quest.

She ends up suggesting a fella named Javier, who get's tracked down and brought to the Bakery store, who sits down with me, looks at my map, hears my story, and agrees to be my 'guide'. Asking him straight up how much it would cost, he kindly offers to come with me 'voluntario' - which I figured meant he was happy to come along for free.

That evening, I went to bed, knowing that in the morning, once we had our transport sorted out, we'd be on our way to the point in the Mazan that my map was showing me was where I should be...